Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Things I Can't Stand #2: Unnecessary Bottle Openers

Unless your bottle openers are confined to your kitchen drawer, you are walking the fine line between being a social drinker and being a drunk.

Ever seen those belts (or belt buckles) or sandals with bottle openers? It's kind of cool, but do you really need a bottle opener that urgently? Like, was some alcoholic walking to class one day with a beer in his backpack and thought "ah damn, I can't believe I left the bottle opener at home."?

If you're thinking, "What about keychains? Everyone has those." Bottle opener keychains are only acceptable if you're in college. This is only due to the fact that college drinking does not usually occur within sight of a kitchen drawer. If you think they're acceptable at all ages, think about this: Remember the scene in Office Space where Peter offers his neighbor Lawrence a bottle opener and he pulls out his own? If not, skip to 0:50:

He does this for a reason. It's to emphasize his role in this movie as a huge redneck. It matches perfectly with his fu manchu and mullet. Do you really want to be like that guy?

1 comment:

Alex said...

Belt + bottle opener=guido

keychain + bottle opener=drunk redneck or college student (depending on location, time, earth's rotational speed, the vernal equinox, and whether it's low or high tide)

fancy wancy $100 Brookstone bottle opener = you're a dick

bottle opener in your kitchen= OK

it's a thin line out there. yet we walk each and every day